Funeral planning is one of those tasks almost everyone agrees is sensible and almost nobody actually does. The result is predictable: a grieving family sits in an unfamiliar office within forty-eight hours of a death, making a dozen expensive decisions with no idea what their person would have wanted. Writing your preferences down beforehand does not take long, and it removes the guesswork entirely.
This checklist walks through the twelve decisions that come up, roughly in the order a funeral home will raise them. You do not need to answer all of them today — even three or four written answers make an enormous difference. Somewhere to record them helps; a guided workbook such as the I’m Dead, Now What? planner keeps the answers together with the rest of your documents rather than on a note that gets lost.
1. Burial or cremation: the first funeral planning decision
This is the decision everything else hangs on, and it is the one families most often disagree about when nobody knows the answer. Burial, cremation, and increasingly natural or green burial each carry different costs, different timelines, and different options for what follows. Say plainly which you want. If you have no strong preference, say that too — it frees your family to choose without feeling they may be getting it wrong. Every other step of funeral planning follows from this single line.
2. Where you want to rest
If burial, name the cemetery, and note whether a plot has already been purchased and where the paperwork is. If cremation, say what should happen to the ashes: interred, kept, scattered, divided among family. Scattering is regulated in many places, so if you have a specific location in mind, it is worth checking whether it is permitted rather than leaving your family to find out at the worst moment.
3. The kind of service you want
A full funeral service, a graveside gathering, a memorial weeks later, a celebration of life, or nothing at all — all are legitimate choices. Note whether you want it religious or secular, public or family-only, and whether there should be a viewing. This is where most of the emotional weight of funeral planning sits, and where written wishes bring the most relief. It is also the part of funeral planning families most regret guessing at.
4. Who should lead it
Name the officiant if you have one: a minister, a celebrant, or a family member. If you want particular people to speak, say so, and consider telling them in advance rather than leaving the request as a surprise. Our list of questions about final wishes covers the details people most often forget to record.
5. Music, readings, and the small personal details
The specifics people remember are rarely expensive: a particular hymn, a poem, a photograph on the table, a favourite jacket. Write down the handful that matter to you and let the rest go. a memorial guest book is a small thing worth naming too, since it becomes the record of who came.
6. What you want to be buried or cremated in
Caskets and urns range from a few hundred dollars to many thousands, and the price is not a measure of respect. State a preference or a budget. Under federal rules a funeral home must accept a casket you bought elsewhere without charging a handling fee, which can save a substantial sum.
7. The budget — and how it will be paid
Funeral planning is unusual in that the person choosing rarely pays. Be explicit about the ceiling you would want your family to spend and where the money should come from: a payable-on-death account, life insurance, a prepaid plan, or the estate. Families routinely overspend out of grief and guilt; a written figure gives them permission not to. The FTC’s guide to the Funeral Rule explains your right to an itemised price list and to buy only what you want — the strongest cost-control tool most families never know they have.
8. Whether to prepay
Prepaid plans lock in current prices and remove a bill at the worst time, but the funds are committed and plans do not always follow you if you move or the provider changes hands. Many people prefer a dedicated payable-on-death account instead: it stays under their control, reaches the family within days, and can be used flexibly. Whichever you choose, record where the paperwork lives.
9. The obituary
Newspaper obituaries are charged by the line and can run into hundreds of dollars; online notices are usually free. Decide whether you want one, where it should appear, and what it should say — it is a small piece of funeral planning that families otherwise draft at midnight. Some people write their own, which is both a gift to the family and, quite often, a surprisingly enjoyable afternoon.
10. Flowers, donations, or neither
Many families prefer donations to a charity in lieu of flowers. If that is your wish, name the charity — vague instructions produce awkward decisions. If you would rather have flowers, say which.
11. Who needs to be told
A short contact list is one of the most practical pieces of funeral planning there is. Old colleagues, distant friends, the people who would want to be there but whom your immediate family may not know how to reach — write them down. Keep the list with your documents, and store the originals somewhere safe; a fireproof document bag works well for the paperwork the funeral home will ask for.
12. Where all of this is written down
The final step is the one that makes the other eleven count. A completed a funeral planning workbook in a drawer nobody knows about helps no one. All the funeral planning in the world is worth nothing if it cannot be found in an afternoon. Tell at least two people where your wishes are kept, and make sure the person likeliest to be called first is one of them. Our wider end-of-life planning checklist covers how to store everything so it is found quickly.
How to start the funeral planning conversation
Funeral planning is easier to write than to discuss, but a short conversation prevents most disagreements later. Pick a calm moment rather than a crisis, keep it brief, and frame it practically: you have written down what you would like, here is where it is, and you would rather they never had to guess. Most families are relieved rather than upset. Our guide on talking to family about your plans has language that helps if the subject feels difficult to raise.
It is worth saying clearly: none of these choices is irreversible. Preferences change, prices change, and people move. Review what you have written every couple of years, in the same sitting where you check your beneficiaries and insurance. Funeral planning is not a single grim afternoon — it is a page you revisit occasionally, and each revision makes it more useful.
What your family actually receives
The point of all this is not the arrangements. It is that at the hardest moment your family will face, they will not be arguing in a car park about cremation, or spending four thousand dollars on a casket because it felt disrespectful to ask the price. They will be reading a page in your handwriting that tells them what you wanted, and doing it. That is the whole return on an hour of funeral planning, and it is a large one.
Frequently asked questions
How much does a funeral cost?
In the United States a traditional funeral with burial commonly runs between $8,000 and $12,000 once the casket, plot, headstone, and service are counted. Direct cremation without a viewing is usually $1,000 to $3,000. Prices vary widely by region and by provider, which is exactly why comparing itemised price lists from two or three funeral homes is worth the hour it takes.
Should I prepay for a funeral?
Prepaying can lock in today’s prices and spare your family a large bill, but the money is tied up and plans do not always transfer if you move or the provider closes. Many planners prefer to set aside funds in a payable-on-death account earmarked for the purpose, which stays under your control and reaches the family quickly. Compare both before committing.
What is the Funeral Rule?
It is a federal consumer-protection rule enforced by the FTC. It requires funeral homes to give you an itemised general price list, to quote prices over the phone, and to let you buy only the goods and services you want — including using a casket bought elsewhere. Knowing the rule exists is the single most useful piece of funeral planning knowledge a family can have.
Do I have to use a funeral home?
In most states a funeral home is not legally required for every step, though several states do require a licensed funeral director for certain filings or for transporting remains. Home funerals and direct cremation are legal in most places. Rules vary considerably by state, so check your own state’s requirements before assuming either way.
If you’d like a ready-made place to gather everything above, the I’m Dead, Now What? planner keeps it together in one guided book.
This article is for general informational purposes only and is not legal, financial, tax, or medical advice. Rules vary by state and change over time; please consult a qualified professional about your specific situation.